Bullying At School: Bully Proofing

Despite the best efforts of parents, teachers, and other concerned adults, a bullying at school problem cannot solved without the participation of the targeted child. Learning ways to effectively deal with bullying is known as "bully proofing".

The key player in any school bullying situation is naturally the targeted child. As parents and adults, we certainly can do our very best to support the victimized child, but our best efforts and intentions will not be very successful without involving the child in finding a solution. Teaching a child skills to help them deal with this problem of harassment is part of a process known as "bully proofing".

Since we cannot be there to protect and support the targeted child 24/7, ulitimately they must be taught ways to empower themselves to deal with aggressive behavior when they are on their own. Most bullies are clever enough to figure out very quickly that be successful, they must do their dirty deeds when the target child is without any support network around, especially adults.

6 Basic Bully Proofing Rules

Rule #1: 
 
Always Tell An Adult

Remember the bullying myth that said telling will only make things worse. Not true, as this is what gives the aggressor the power to keep targeting you. Adults such as parents and teachers must be told if they are going to be able to help you. If you do not feel comfortable telling your parent(s) or teacher about the problem, then find an adult that you do feel ok talking about your problem with and tell them. There is nothing wrong with having a friend, sister or brother going along with you when you decide to tell an adult.

Don't stop telling if nothing is done by the adult you told, keep talking and talking to adults until someone is willing to take action! You may be pleasantly surprised at how caring and concerned most adults are when told about this type of a problem.

Rule #2:
 
Stay Safe

Don't go looking for trouble by antagonizing the bully, going to parts of the school where the "gang" hang out, or doing any other actions that will encourage an attack. If confronted, never get suckered into a physical or verbal battle. This is what the aggressor is looking for! In some cases, passive resistance may be the only way out of a dangerous situation. Putting up with a shove, trip, or a slap may be better in the end than getting severely beaten by the creep and/or their groupies because you tried to fight back.

Rule #3: 

Be Smart

Being smart does not mean "being a smart-alec", as this will only make things worse! Instead use your brain to outsmart the bully. Practice non-confrontational responses or saying nothing (as hard as this may be at the time) to the taunts and teasing. Simply walk away. If you do not feel physical threatened, then it is safe to be assertive and tell this person to stop what they are doing, you do not like it, and that you are not afraid to tell the teacher or your parent.

Rule #4: 

Safety in Numbers

If you are being stalked by a bully, take extra precautions to avoid being caught alone. If walking to and from school, and even during school breaks such as recess and lunch time, ensure that you are part of a group. Ideally a group of friends is great, but even just a group of your classmates will help. Remember that the best time for your tormentor to strike is when they see you alone!

Rule #5: 
 
About You

Time to look in the mirror and see if there is anything that you can do to lessen the chances of being bullied now and in the future. Are you a "loner"? Perhaps that is why you became a target. If so, time to get involved in social activities where you will meet new kids and make new friends. Do you do things to upset other children? Perhaps that is why you have few friends and made an easy target. Most kids don't like you! If so, time to change. Ask your peers what you do that upsets them. Then STOP and go out of your way to show them that you are trying to change.

Rule #6:

Always Tell An Adult

Hmmm, didn't we already cover this rule? Yes, but it needs repeating. Why? Well because adults are your most powerful weapon against bullying. Most children do not have the self-confidence and verbal skills to effectively deal with this kind of behavior all on their own. If they did, then the bullies of the world wouldn't be able to target them. So involving adults is essential to keeping you safe, to empower you to deal with agressive behavior through the teaching of bully proofing skills, and to take action to prevent this harassing behavior from continuing against you or any other child.

Reporting Tips

Here is a list of what kinds of things you need to say and do when reporting on a bullying problem.

1. Tell what happened to you and what, if anything, you did.
2. Name(s)of the person or people who physically and/or verbally attacked you.
3. Names of any bystanders or witnesses to this event.
4. Where it happened and how often this has been going on.
5. Keep a written record of every instance when you have been threatened, teased, taunted or physically harmed. This helps to show adults that this was not a one-time confrontation and may in fact have been planned by the bully.

Sadly many parents do feel very intimidated by the school system and dealing with teachers and principals of their child's school.  Sometimes this is caused by their own bad experiences in the school system as students, while other times it simply is the fear of the unknown. No matter what the possible cause of their discomfort, it is essential that worried parents have a parent action plan in place to ensure their bullying concerns are properly and promptly addressed by school staff.